Letting Go is the Beginning of a New Life~~

You shed tears and you still care!
You are ignored, still you long for the company!
You see him falling in love with other and yet you smile and say

“'am happy for you coz I care”!

I was reading this article written by an anonyms author and could relate with it so well that I immediately decided to make a place for it in my blog. As they say, ‘there should never be regrets, only a lifelong appreciation of the choices that we’ve made’!!

A Story about Tree, Leaf, and Wind

Tree

People call me "Tree".

I had dated 5 girls when I was in Pre-U. There is one girl who I love a lot but never dared to go after. She didn't have a pretty face, good figure or an outstanding charm. She was just a very ordinary girl. I liked her. I really liked her. I liked her innocence, her frankness, her intelligence and her fragility. Reason for not going after her was that I felt somebody so ordinary like her was not a good match for me. I was also afraid that after we were together all the feelings would vanish. I was also afraid other's gossip would hurt her.

I felt that if she were my girl, she'd be mine ultimately & I didn't have to give up everything just for her. The last reason, made her accompanying me for 3 years. She watched me chase other girls, and I have made her heart cry for 3 years.

She was a good actor, and me a demanding director. When I kissed my second girlfriend, she bumped into us. She was embarrassed but smiled & said, "Go on!" before running off. The next day, her eyes were swollen like a walnut. I did not want to know what caused her to cry. Later that day, I returned from soccer training to get something & watched her cry in the classroom for an hour or so. My fourth girlfriend did not like her.

There was once when both of them quarreled. I know that based on her character she is not the type that will start the quarrel. However, I still supported my girlfriend. I shouted at her & ignored her feelings and walked off with my girl. The next day, she was laughing & joking with me like nothing happened. I know she was hurt but she did not know deep down inside I was hurt too.

When I broke up with my fifth girlfriend, I asked her out. Later that day, I told her I had something to tell her. I told her about my break up. Coincidentally, she has something to tell me too, about her getting together. I knew who the person was. His pursuit for her had been the talk of the School. I did not show her my heartache, just smiles & best wishes.

Once I reached home, I could not breathe. Tears rolled & I broke down. How many times have I seen her cry for the man who did not acknowledge her presence?

During graduation, I read a SMS in my hand phone. It said, "Leaf's departure is because of Wind's pursuit. Or because Tree didn't ask her to stay".


Leaf

People call me "Leaf".

During the 3 years of Pre-U, I was on very close terms with a guy as buddy kind. However, when he had his first girlfriend, I learnt a feeling I never should have learnt - Jealousy. Sourness to the extreme limit.

They were only together for 2 months. When they broke up, I hid my happiness. But after a month, he got together with another girl.

I liked him & I know he liked me. But why won't he pursue me? Since he loves me why he didn't he make the first move? Whenever he had a new girlfriend, my heart would hurt. After some time, I began to suspect that this was one-sided love. If he didn't like me, why did he treat me so well? It's beyond what you will normally do for a friend. I know his likes, his habits. But his feelings towards me I can never figure out.

You can't expect me being a girl, to ask him. Despite that, I still wanted to be by his side. Care for him, accompany him, and love him. Hoping that one day, he will come to love me. Because of this, I waited for him. Sometimes, I wondered if I should continue waiting. The pain, the dilemma accompanied me for 3 years.

At the end of my 3rd year, a junior pursues me. Everyday he pursues me. He's like the cool & gentle wind, trying to blow off a leaf from a tree. In the end, I realized that I wanted to give this wind a small footing in my heart. I know the wind will bring the leaf to a better land.

Finally, leaf left the tree, but the tree only smiled & didn't ask me to stay.

Leaf's departure is because of Wind's pursuit. Or cause Tree didn't ask her to stay.

Wind

Because I like a girl called leaf. Because she's so dependent on tree, so I have to be a gust wind. A wind that will blow her away. When I first met her, it was 1 month after I was transferred to this new school. I saw a petite person looking at my seniors & me playing soccer. During ECA time, she will always be sitting there. Be it alone or with her friends, looking at him. When he talks with girls, there's jealousy in her eyes. When he looked at her, there's a smile in her eyes. Looking at her became my habit. Just like, she likes to look at him.

One day, she didn't appear. I felt something missing. I can't explain the feeling except it's a kind of uneasiness. The senior was also not there as well. I went to their classroom, hid outside and saw my senior scolding her. Tears were in her eyes while he left. The next day, I saw her at her usual place, looking at him. I walked over and smiled to her. Took out a note & gave to her. She was surprised. She looked at me, smiled & accepts the note. The next day, she appeared & passes me a note and left.

It read, "Leaf's heart is too heavy and wind couldn't blow her away."

"It's not that leaf heart is too heavy. It because leaf never want to leave tree." I replied her note with this statement and slowly she started to talk to me & accept my presents & phone calls. I know that the person she loves is not me. But I have this perseverance that one day I will make her like me. Within 4 months, I have declared my love for her no less than 20 times. Every time, she will divert away from the topic. But I never give up. If I decided I want her to be mine, I will definitely use all means to win her over. I can't remember how many times I have declared my love to her. Although I know, she will try to divert but I still bear a small ray of hope.

Hoping that she will agree to be my girlfriend. I didn't hear any reply from her over the phone. I asked, "What are you doing? How come you didn’t want to reply?" She said, "I'm nodding my head". "Ah?" I couldn’t believe my ears. "I'm nodding my head" she replied loudly. I hang up the phone, quickly changed and took a taxi and rush to her place & press her doorbell. The moment she opens the door, I hugged her tightly.

Leaf departure is because of Wind pursuit. Or because Tree didn't ask her to stay...

When love is true, even if you lose, you still win just for having the tingle of loving someone more than u love urself!

A Walk in the Woods....

For the past few days I was feeling somewhat gloomy.. but was not able to find out the reason for my depression. Sundays are usually lazy with lots of time to….well do nothing! So, I decided to spend a good amount of time with myself (ofcourse) in the *confession room*…just to understand the rationale of being the Murky Me. When I came out of the room, my depression took the shape of confusion and I was clueless as how the forecast of a heavy spending can be the reason for my despair.

I was trying hard to interpret the reason for my heavy spending. I checked all my bills. Made sure the rent of the month is paid. Also, confirmed if by faintest possibility I owe money to anyone! The answer was a NO for all! Then what is it that needs a lot of my hard earned money and what is it that's making me depressed even before I've started spending?

…. I could hear a faint sound.. first slowly, but later became loud. I immediately recognized the voice of fiend Sanj from within, who was shouting "Wardrobe Upgrade Wardrobe Upgrade!!" She was sounding so meanly happy while saying "...the day is not very far for this heavy expenditure dear lady!" Kept on taunting me by emphasizing its a SIZE upgrade and not style upgrade!

Well the truth is.... am finding it a lil difficult to get into most of my trousers these days and now left with the only pair of formal trouser that my sis gave me couple of months before. All this while the trouser was resting in my wardrobe coz it was just too big for me (sis gave me a pair that was 4 times bigger than my regular size). Maybe she could sense the future!!

I have all the reason to be depressed, especially when I know am in no position, both mentally and financially, for this wardrobe upgrade, which not to forget, reads *heavy expense*. So, I decided to start EXERCISING to shed all those extra unwanted corpulent from the body.

The enthu and energy level both were at their high…or maybe I wanted miracle to happen and on the first day of exercise I wanted to look spruce … so I kept walking, without caring where I was heading…,simply followed the road and reached a dead end that looked more like a well maintained forest! Yup.. if its not Singapore, I would have just said Forest.. but in Singapore, even a Forest is well kept, properly groomed and so much so that the local wildlife gets adapted well to the urban environment.

I reached the entrance that read Bukit Batok Nature's Park (BBNP) and the path directly lead me to the quarry lake - - a relic from the mining days of the region. Am tongue-tied seeing the rustic beauty in super urban Singapore and would prefer not to exhibit my unintelligible writing by attempting to describe the beauty of the Nature. The serene ambience of the park provides an ideal backdrop for a peaceful nature walk…also there are couple of benches for the visitors to rest and absorb the tranquility of BBNP.

A poignant me went for the WALK and a refreshed and cheerful me returned with a silent thank you to my chubbiness and a promise to make this gorgeous place my weekend buddy.

The Heart goes Rat-a-too-eeeeeeeeee

Am hopeless when it comes to the matter of *heart* and maybe that's coz I just love to be in love :-) It was not even 2 weeks that I got my heart back in single piece. Yup managed to join all the broken pieces caused due to Ash-Abhi wedding! and Thanks to the Fevicol (this time in the form of Steven Jones), I got my heart (in one piece) back.

Who ever is wondering how Steven Jones came into the picture, must watch some of his presentation or product launch speeches, or just go to the You Tube site and look for the video where he urged graduates of Stanford university to pursue their dreams and see the opportunities in life's setbacks—including death.

I never realized that I was in love with Steven.......not even when I found myself strolling into different malls of Singapore, and landed up buying only different designs and brands of the same BLACK color tops, tee's, and even shirts. It was difficult for my own eyes to believe how love can change my dressing sense. The whole of last two weeks, I wore a Blue Jeans and a Black top/tee (different black color tees ofcourse…in case you are frowning) to office and I was feeling just great about it all. But, alas!!! the happiness did not last for long... thanks to one of the inferior quality tee that I bought, which spoiled my only smart pair of blue jeans so much so that now its been labeled as a *BnB (Blue n Black) patched* jeans.. yet another heart broke :-(

My stars were good and thank God the depression didn’t last for long this time!! I guess I need to thank my manager as well, 'coz its she who cancelled the meeting at the last minute, and I got the chance to sneak out of office much before my usual time and landed up in the theatre to watch the Pixar production's Ratatouille..... and.. yup you guessed it right.. am in love again. This time its Remy... and I've already started dreaming of opening my own kitchen with my new lil heartthrob the champ chef Remy.

So, I highly recommend you all for NOT going to the theatre and watching this particular movie.. simply 'coz I dont like having competitor when it comes to the matter of my *heart* and if you still want to watch the movie.. then you got to wait for a while till I fall in love with someone else!

~~Gnop Churi~~ by Sukumar Roy

I’ve always liked this Bengali poem by Sukumar Roy. So am posting the same kabita for my sisters and for all those bongs who can’t read bangla script.

For Non Bongs who would like to know what this poem is all about.. chk the translated version below.. ofcourse it doesn't sound as hillarious as the original....

************************************************

Gnop (mustache) Churi

Head officer boro babu lokti boro shanto,

Tar je emon mathar baiymo keyo kokhono janto?

Dibbi chilen khoshmejaje chairkhani chepe
Ekla boshe jhimjhimiye hotat gelen khepe!

Aattke uthe hath pa chure chokti kore gol,
Hotat bolen “gelum gelum, amay dhore tol!”

Tayi sune keyo boddi dake, keyo ba hake police,
Keyo ba bole, “kamre debe sabdhanete tulish”.

Baisto sobai adeek odeek korchea ghoraghuri,
Babu haaken, “oore aamar gnop giyechea churi”.

Gnop harano! Ajob kotha! Tayo hoye satti?
Gnop jora to temni aache, komeni ek ratti.

Sobai mile bujhiye bole, samne dhore aayna,
Moteo gnop hoyeni churi, kokhonno ta hoye na.

Rege aagun tail a begun, tere bolen tini
“karo kothar dhar dharini, soob beta ki chini.
Nongra chata, khangra jhata bichiri aar moyela,
Emon gnop to rakhto jani shyambabuder goyla.
A gnop jodi aamar bolish korbo toder jobai….”

Aaee na bole jorimana korlen tini sobhai.
Bhison rege bishom kheye dilane likhe khataye…

“Kayuke beshi layi dite nayi, sobai chore mathaye.
Officer ae badorgulo, mathaye khali goobor,
Gauf jora je kothaye gelo, keyo rakhe na khobor!
Echea kore ae baitader gauf dhore khub naachi,
Mukkhugulor mundu dhore kodal diye chanchi.

Gaufke bole aamar tomar – gauf ki karo kena?
Gaufer aami gaufer tumi, Gauf diye jaye chena!”

**************************************************

The English Version:

Mustache Thievery (translated by Prasenjit Gupta)

Head Officer Chief Babu was a very peaceful man--
And then he turned mental--who knew how it began?
He sat drowsing in his chair, smiling a happy smile
When suddenly, it seemed, something drove him wild.

He leapt up and flung his arms about, his eyes red as brick,
He shouted out, “I’m lost, I’m lost, do save me quick!”
Some ran for a doctor, some yelled “Police!” with all their might,
Some advised restraint: “Careful, he could bite!”

Everyone was rushing frantic, leaving letters untyped--
Then the Babu cried, “Oh help, my mustache has been swiped.”
Lost his mustache? Incredible! How could it be?
But his handlebars were just the same, plain for all to see.

They tried to explain things, held a mirror to his face:
His whiskers weren’t stolen, that couldn’t be the case.
But angry as fire, an eggplant in hot oil, he sputtered and shook:
“I don’t believe a single man, I know each of you crooks.

Dirty and ragged, an over-used broom--an obvious pretender!--
This kind of mustache was kept by Shyambabu’s milk vendor.
I’ll shoot the whole lot! if you say this mustache is mine.”
And right away he proclaimed for all a rather hefty fine.

Getting hotter by the minute, he wrote and underlined in red:
“Give anyone an inch of rope, they’ll climb up on your head.
These monkeys at the office, with brains of dung and hay--

Where my perfect mustache went, not one of them can say.

I should grab their whiskers and dance them up and down
Or shave their sorry heads with a spade upon their crown.
They claim the mustache is mine--as though it’s something you can own!

The mustache owns the man, my friend--that’s how we all are known.”

The Shoe Story~

Singapore, the shoppers' paradise, Singapore where you will get to see really well-groomed ladies with flawless skin and perfect bodies, who takes special care before stepping out of their house…..proper makeup, perfect fit cloths with matching fancy shoes. Oh Yes… SHOES… the reason am here today… to tell you all about how these SHOES caught my attention and made me “Go Crazy” for them. I never realized how the change happened and I started ‘Noticing’ shoes! Wondering now is it ‘coz they reminds me of the famous Kolkata’s 'Macher Bajar’ (Fish stall)? And that surely is a warm comfort in a foreign land. Maybe the only difference is in their language….. but that’s obvious afterall.. different country, different dialect!

Yes, you can enjoy the music of famous Kolkata’s Macher bajaar in the heart of Singapore. The best time to enjoy it is during the “peak hrs”, when everyone is rushing to or from office. And you got to be in the Right Place if you want to have a fool proof Bose speaker kind of sound effect. The right place would be the zebra crossings in the “Peak hrs” or “underpass”. Will get back to the SS (Shoe Sound) effect a lil later.

It’s almost been 2 months now, I still remember the evening when I was casually browsing through the mall windows and this smart black executive looking shoe caught my attention. It was just perfect for me… the heel was not too high.. if I decide to buy, its share of contribution to my height would be another one inch… exactly the way I wanted!! With apprehension I went inside the store to check the price tag. This is ‘coz my past experience in buying a shoe here in Singapore was not very good. Whenever I liked a pair and was all set to buy it… the price tag forced me to do a mental conversion to my home currency and the result always made me put the shoe back in rack. Not to take the risk of you branding me as a parsimonious woman, in defense, I would say, its coz of my fair knowledge about home market. I was sure the same quality shoe back home would cost me not more than INR 800.

So, now you will understand why I was so overwhelmed to see the price tag of the shoe, which read as $13. I was not sure if I read it correctly or if I missed a digit! So, after confirming and feeling great about this Price haggle, I headed directly towards the payment counter. Never realized even at the time of making the payment, that I just contributed my share of NOISE oops I mean Music in the ‘Shoe Talk’ that I’ve started detesting so much.

My first experience with my proud purchase was somewhat embarrassing to my own ears.. as it could never understand the language of its own master, which ofcours is me, asking the shoe to behave and talk ‘politely’, neither could I understand why the shoe behaves so arrogantly and never stops jabbering and catching peoples attention, ofcourse for a wrong reason! Within few days I realized its not my Best buy, my dear $13 pride buy was costing me a lot and all coz the owner was not ready to tolerate the shoe’s arrogance and loudness and the shoe doesn’t even realize its doing anything wrong.. coz its been designed like that way.

Today, when I left office it was drizzling and was difficult to get a cab (yeah you guessed it right.. the cab is not for me but for my pet the pride purchase my shoe). So, I had to walk the long corridor and then the underpass to reach the bus stop. Hearing the LOUD blabbering of my dear Shoe.. I realized for the first time that I shouldn’t be blaming the shoe for its loudness and being a chatterbox. It’s not its fault. The developer (be the almighty GOD or the mere shoe maker) has designed the code for these “species” in such a way that the proverb “empty vessels make the most sound” is always considered to be true even at this age n generation!